Still Remember

Summer 2001-Lansing Family
Narrated by Christopher Lansing
Christopher is 37, Erica is 36, Carema is 29, Maya is 8

I've started seeing someone. Her name is Carema. She's a yoga instructor at Our Spa-cialty in town. I went there a few weeks ago to unwind a little bit. The divorce is really taking its toll on me, and a swedish massage really helped.

Maya hates coming to my house for visitations. My new place is only temporary, but it's a lot smaller than I'm used to. I just can't afford two houses and a divorce right now. She cried and begged me not to make her come over last weekend. I guess I can't blame her. Her bedroom is hardly larger than a broom closet.

I'm trying to come up with ways to make her want to come over. Her mom is terribly allergic to animals, so I knew just what to do. I bought her a puppy.

I know it's wrong to bribe children, but she's really all I've got.

Erica was furious when she found out. She accused me of turning our daughter's love into a competition, but that's not what I'm doing. I just want her to feel at home when she's here.

But we're trying to keep it civil in front of the kids. McKenna is still too small to understand what's going on, but I know Maya picks up on everything.

Even when I'm arguing with Erica, I'm not angry. When she's yelling at me, I still remember the soft look on her face when she used to tell me she loved me. I wish I didn't think about those things when I see her, but I do.

I don't know if I'll be as happy with Carema as I was with Erica, but I am trying my best.